Mental Health & Recovery

   

  My body went through a lot of things during my six years of active addiction to crystal meth. So did my mind. Due to all of the trauma I endured during my use, I developed some major mental heath concerns. Towards the end of my using days, I got diagnosed with PTSD, Anxiety, and Depression. 

    When I was using crystal, on a regular basis, I went through bouts of psychosis. What happened was when I was high or even coming down, I would get in my head and it would take me to some dark places. I regularly thought people were coming for me. I sometimes thought the little red light in my smoke detector was some sort of spying device. And sometimes, I even thought I heard voices talking through the walls. Needless to say, I cried myself to sleep numerous times, drowning in fear.

    What was the worst part was that I knew that it wasn't real. I knew that I was going through psychosis. But that didn't ever change my paranoia from being triggered. Not until I got clean did  this change for me. 

    When I first started using meth, I was having fun. I had a blast I thought for the first few years of my using. I never thought much about these psychotic episodes until they became more frequent. At first, it would happen every few months. Every few months turned into every few weeks. By the end of my life on meth, my psychosis was occurring everyday. 

    I thought I would have to live with this mess happening to me until the day that I died. But with time after getting clean, I eventually started to get my mind back. Don't get me wrong, I still have these mental health issues, but, the symptoms have mostly gone away with the medication my psychiatrist prescribed for me. 

    I entered into recovery with this goal of healing. Everything that I have been through has left a scar in my memories. If it wasn't for my continued friendship with Dippin Thots, there is no way that I could have gotten to where I have gotten. Having this friend that I previously used with on Zoom, to talk with, as we both got clean, saved my life. And to this day, continues to be one of the most important people for me and my recovery. 

    Another thing that has helped me during my recovery so far has been the 12 step program. I started going to meetings. When I first started, I was not a believer in this process. But after picking up a sponsor, I started to incorporate this new lifestyle into my new life. The 12 step rooms have helped me build a new community for me to be involved with. Community was what I was always looking for. Now that I have these new tools, I have been able to become immersed back into society. 

    I learned so much about myself during my using. I went though some shit. Would I change my past if I could, absolutely. But, without the time machine for that, I have learned to deal with everything that my hand has been delt. I have a new lease on life.