Broward House

    For a few months I have heard about a local rehab in Wilton Manors/Fort Lauderdale called Broward House. After everything that had happened to me, I decided I was desperate enough to try out rehab.

    I interviewed for a spot in the program, and it took about a week after the interview for me to have a bed at Broward House. I officially moved into the program as of April 12th, 2019.

    For the first couple of days I kept to myself mostly. I spent so much time just laying in my bed. After going so long with nothing, and finally having something as vital as a bed, I was in Heaven. When I moved into Broward House, I was looking like I just came in from the streets, overgrown hair and beard, untrimmed nails, and the look of exhaustion was what my reflection in the mirror showed me, and I'm being liberal with the description of my looks at this time in my life. I wasn't able to get a haircut for over a month after moving in. So I stayed looking like a overgrown chia-head. 

    I did notice someone on my first day that I was out on the streets with on and off. So at least I am not completely alone I thought to myself. 

    And remember my hammock? Well there was palm trees spread throughout the grounds of the facility. I found two spots where I could set up my hammock and relax in it finally. One spot, right outside my room's window, and one, right in the front of the facility. Dead center to the main building, and right next to 18th St. My first actual interaction with someone else in the program happened on my first night there, in my hammock. I had my hammock set up in the front of the complex, and this man just comes up to me and starts talking about the Mumford and Sons playlist I was playing through my phone. That man eventually became a close friend to me for a little bit... until I fucked it up and started my new downward spiral.

    You see, as I mentioned before, I signed up for rehab because I was DESPERATE... but I was not ready to get sober. So in the 5 months I was there at Broward House, I "relapsed" eight times. I put relapse in quotations because I was not just having a couple relapses, I was returning to just using drugs in general. I would find guys on Grindr who I would sneak out after lights out to go get high with. There was quite a few times I ended up at Inn Leather, which was the clothing optional resort across the street. But more than anything, King XXL would come pick me up and take me back to his place so we could get high and tweak around his apartment. 

    The longest I stayed sober while I was in Broward House was fifty-three days. Out of five months. 

    While at Broward House I made friends, had groups, gained weight back, had therapy, and got the things I needed to accomplish in my mind at this point of my life. 

    Four months into being at Broward House, I was able to look for and secure a job. I got a job at Chewy.com. Their call centered was about ten miles from the rehab facility. So once I actually got the job, I ended up taking two busses to get to work. It took about a hour total to get there, and to get back home. I only worked there for about a month. I started getting back into my addict behaviors even more so now because I had MONEY. 

    The first paycheck I got, I spent all of it on a 49CC moped.

    The second check I got... I spent three days getting high and going AWOL from rehab and work. Now the rehab should have done kicked me out months before this. Work on the other hand, did not tolerate my absences and fired me.

    Now, remember the guy I mentioned that I knew from the streets already that was in the rehab also with me? Yeah... well... Long story short, I, like a drug addicted idiot, started to develop a very unhealthy relationship with him while there. Most of the time, it was me and him just hanging out. We would a couple times go AWOL together and go get high with other people. This relationship though was very one sided. In the sense that it was me putting in the effort mostly for the friendship. 

    This relationship soon became a drug induced obsession with this guy. It was beyond toxic. I would find myself crying at night, during the day. with my therapist, and with my case manager. About him. About him treating me like a doormat. But I was putting myself into that situation. And I just couldn't stop.

    In August, my case manager and the head therapist sat me down and told me that I was to be terminated from the program in September. Told me that I would need to secure housing by the 15th of September, or else I would be back on the streets or released to a shelter. 

    Well, because I was more into getting high over anything, I didn't find somewhere to stay. I lied to my case manager and said that I was going to a Halfway House in Wilton Manors. I didn't was to disappoint her more than I have done already.

    As promised, on September 15th, 20019, almost five months to the day, I was discharged from Broward House... without completion of the program. 

    At Broward House, I learned some new things about myself. I wish that I had the self-control to have completed the program. I would have gotten so much more out of my experience there. One thing that I did learn about myself through the therapy, is that I am very codependent on others to make me feel good about myself. I always put others needs and wants before my own. I never pieced that together as being a bad thing. I always just viewed myself as a nice guy who cares so much about people. Guess that was not always a good thing.

    So, I did end up with somewhere to stay though. King XXL paid for me to get a storage unit in Wilton Manors.