Rock Bottom

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     On April 17th, of 2019, I began a new journey... rehab. But first, there are two events that lead to my decision to go to rehab. This is the event that happened first.

    At the beginning of the month, I went to The Westin Fort Lauderdale, to hook up with a guy from the site BBRT (BareBack Real Time). Mind you, this hotel was not in the popular and busy Fort Lauderdale Beach or even downtown Fort Lauderdale. It was on the outskirts of the city. I had some money, enough to get me an uber there. I didn't think about, nor did I really care about, the means of getting back to Boca Raton, where I was helping a friend of mine and KFC's, sell all of his belongings because he was moving cross country to Portland, Oregon. 

    Once I arrived to the hotel room and knocked on the door, this handsome and buff man opened the door. Immediately my heart sunk. I knew this man. I had a previous attempted hook-up experience with him back in Orlando, when he was visiting the area from his home back in Naples, for Disney Gay Days. I discovered that day, that I was not a fan of aggressive sex. He was overly aggressive to say the least. So angry it seemed, that we didn't even finish. I just couldn't handle it. Didn't want to either anymore. 

    I went inside and we both looked at each other and he vaguely remembered meeting me. I was so high though, that I tried to put the sex on hold for as long as I could, by saying I just needed to shower first, which was true. Being homeless, you don't have access to a shower on a regular basis like we are accustomed to. I got in the shower and just sat in the tub, dreading what I knew I was going to have to go though, just so I could get even more high. Little did I know, this night, would change the rest of my life.

    I stayed in the shower for nearly half a hour. The guy knocked on the door, rushing me to get out of the shower and come back out there. So, I turned off the water and started drying off. I didn't get redressed because the plan was to get high and have sex, so I just wrapped a towel around me and came out of the bathroom. 

    That was when he told me that we needed to be quick with this, that I took too long in the shower. I could clearly tell that he was frustrated now. He told me we only had time to have sex. 

    This is where my personality betrayed me. I say that because, I should have caught the red flags right there. But, I was high, and a submissive person who hate confrontations. So, I say okay, and got on the bed.

    Right away, he started with his aggressiveness. I was beyond uncomfortable... I was getting hurt. 

    I asked him, in a distressed voice, to stop. That didn't happen. I thought maybe he didn't hear me, so I told him to stop again, in a more anguished voice. Still, nothing. Still going. That was when he put his entire body on me and proceeded. 

    He had me pinned across the bed. Holding me down with his body weight and his arms. 

    I kept telling him to stop. I kept trying to get up. What I didn't do though, in fear of retaliation, was scream. 

    After what felt like forever, He finished with me. 

    He got up off the bed, and put his underwear back on. I slid down onto the floor to my knees, weakly. I stood up and put back on my clothes. 

    He acted like nothing out of the ordinary happened. But he knew better than that, to be the truth. He asked me how I was getting back home. I told him probably walk. I didn't think that far ahead. He gave me 20 dollars and told me to get a cab.

    I gathered the rest of my stuff I brought, and left the room. I got to the elevator and started to cry, just a few tears. I went back into the lobby and left The Westin Fort Lauderdale. 

    Now, was another struggle I wasn't ready for. I was in the middle of nowhere it seemed. The Westin was on this off road from the main road in that side of town. So I had to walk for 15 minutes before I even saw a stoplight.

    I didn't know how to get back to Boca Raton. That was when I decided to call KFC, and when he answered the phone, I began to cry more. There I was, in the middle of the dark, in the middle of nowhere, broken down and lost. 

    KFC ordered me a Uber and got me back to Boca. We didn't talk anymore about what had just happened. Instead, we fought. 

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