HIV

     Me calling out of work on a too regular of a basis started early on in my addiction. But I still needed money to get things and pay for things... you know, like drugs and rent. The necessities. So one high afternoon-evening, it's all a bit foggy the details like that. Sadly. But I digress. I was on the internet on my phone looking for supplemental income sources. I signed up for Postmates. This was at the early times of Postmates. It wasn't a everyday name. Where I lived in Orlando was the Westside of the City... just a mile or two away from Universal Studios. There wasn't much in business for me with Postmates out here.  I had to travel to the Eastside of the city. Near the University of Central Florida, to get any pings. Not to mention, I'd be sitting in parking lots for 30 minutes to a hour listening to music or Grinding (The verb meaning being on Grindr cruising) to occupy my time. 

    Since Postmates have proven to be basically be a dead end for a form or work, I came across, one day, a advertainment online somewhere for a case study for people who are HIV Negative. Emphasis on NEGATIVE.  I would be compensated with money just for taking a HIV test and giving feedback about my sex life for a database. SCORE! 

  Here is some backstory. Again.

  Shy. Embarrassed. Ashamed. Scared.  Something I don't like talking about is my sex life. I've always been the fat kid. The kid that had to overcompensate in other feature. The one that I used was comedy. So I have been good with making people laugh and feel good inside.  Being the fat kid didn't end in childhood though.  I was the fat man now.  But now, with crystal meth in my life... I have started losing weight. Losing weight due to not eating. 

    But for the first time ever, I started exploring sex with strangers now on meth too.  I felt like I was starting to look for attractive. Body By Tina. "You look like model. Cheerleada." And I still have this happy go lucky positive outlook and naïve. And a good sense of humor. I was a triple threat. 

    One of my first experiences was with this older man.  I don't remember his name either.  So Ill keep up with the who anonymity theme I've started. I met him on Grindr one day.  exchanged the social secret that we each shared by asking a simple question, "Do you parTy?" I answered yes.  So I get invited to this mans house. He's a really nice guy. Someone I was so able to vibe well with, and not only in the sexual matter. I liked the music he was playing. I loved getting high with him. I loved the music so much that on the 3rd day in a row of hanging out and partying with him, he introduced me to this electro-syth group called "STRFKR"... And he going to be going to see them live that night, and invited me. I had already added their songs "In The End" and "Rawnald Gregory Erickson the Second" to my library on Spotify (I'm listening to them right now for the reminder of this day and this man).  

WARNING: TANGENT AHEAD.  

  The longest lasting item that has survived my time in active addiction and before that, is my library on Spotify.  I can go back in time. Spotify saves your favorited songs to your own personal library. In the presentation of a giant playlist. In order from first added to current. I've had Spotify since I lived in Florida... which I moved there from North Carolina in September 2015.

Now, back to the topic at hand, HIV. 

 I got my first HIV oral swab test for the case study. Did it as directed and mailed it back. 

After a few weeks, I get a call.  This call come to me cellphone from the Case Study people... right as I'm right in between working a double at On The Border.  I was a server.  This was my main job... that I was already screwing up at by calling out for my shift. The caller asked to speak to me.  

    "I'm calling to inform you that your HIV test came back as positive. What you need to do now is at your earliest convince, get a confirmatory 2nd test at your local LGBT center or health department."

    I was in shock, standing there in the General Managers office with the gay shift manager. I told the guy "thank you for calling me and letting me know. I will go as soon as possible." and hung up the phone. I asked my manager if it was okay for the shift for me to miss my dinner shift so I can go get a HIV test done at The Center in downtown Orlando. I was in such shock and disbelief. He told me I was okay to go and get that done. 

    I have to drive from Disney World, the area that On The Boarder was located, to Downtown. Takes about 30 minutes. I get to the Center after sitting in silence in the car just trying to think who of all the random people since I started partying a year earlier, could have given me HIV? Doesn't matter. I've got it. I'm sure. I've been promiscuous. By this point, I've already lost count of the number of guys I've been with.  

    I get my Confirmatory Results test done at the center and comes back positive. 

    I get put into a new case trial for a new HIV medication. 

    I get a text from the previously mention older gentleman, saying that he has contracted HIV and might have spread it to me. That question got answered... WHO? But I didn't care who anymore. What's done is done. My addict mind had taken over... I'm in a new case story MAKING MORE MONEY.  I thanked him for letting me know this. We never spoke again.