Ex-Marine Roommate

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     The time period when I lost my car was when I lived in an apartment with a retired marine. He was one of the nicest people I have ever met. I was in the middle of my early addiction phase of life though. So I didn't appreciate him and his personality. I sat there, well stood there, cuz every time we talked it was while standing in the kitchen. That is where we stood when he first was interviewing me to move in. Of course I was high and a ball full of nonsense and energy. 

    I was looking for somewhere cheaper to live because I had started spending more money on crystal meth. Didn't pay for a month at my current house I was living at. When he told me 500 dollars a month, I jumped at it. Moved out of the house in East Orlando, into this apartment back in West Orlando, not far from where I lived when my addiction started a year and a half earlier. 

    When I first moved in with the veteran, I still had my car. I had my car for a few months when I was living there. At first everything was going great. We talked everyday, even when I was high. I did my absolute best at hiding that from him. At the end of my stay with him after all the months of active addiction and being around a person everyday, who gets a front row seat at the Zack show, everyday, I'm sure my hiding my highness (ha) was unsuccessful. 

    I was still new to crystal meth... and the gay side of meth and sex. So usually if I was to be involved in a PnP(ParTy And Play) scenario, which, in the least graphic of ways to describe it, is smoking or shooting up meth, and having unprotected risqué sex with no limits. I was never into the no limits part. So I set my own limits, and thus expectations, of parTys I attend. I didn't, ever bring those parTys to my own residence due to respecting my roommate, and me being ashamed and embarrassed. I really only ever brought one person over, and that was Sebring Boy. So my roommate didn't know about me venturing out at all hours on any day for so many days. Now that I think of it... he probably did realize this. That's why he told me he was moving across the country and I had to find somewhere else to live. And I've got a month to do it. 

    My addict mind went to the side of thoughts like, he's not really moving, I haven't been paying my rent right. If I paid it at all, like I did the first few months, about a month before EDC Orlando. So like, October of  2018, I started paying late. And not the full amount. I was fucking it all up. Completely setting myself up for failure, on the ATOMIC LEVEL. I was spending my money on drugs and sex. And I wasn't even really enjoying the sex. 

    See, I didn't have the introduction to meth like so many gay men are introduced to it... PnP Lifestyle. My first time using, as I stated in "So It Begins", was not with sex. It was getting educated about the drug and what to expect. I didn't expect those expectations to be so unconventional and wild. And I'm lucky for that. Or else I would have started drowning sooner and longer. 

    I share these intimate details so that you get a little bit more of an understanding of how extremely submerged into a whole new life. None of these things where ever things I fantasized about, dreamed was my past, present, and future for so many years. I know I am not the only one. In the span of a year and a half, I moved 4 times, became a drug addict, lost my car, lost friends, and there I am.... playing Russian Roulette with my home. A game a roulette that I was losing. 

    By the time I realized all of this, it was too late. We had "The Talk". I told myself I wouldn't be able to find the money and a place to live in a month. I started selling everything I owned of value... which was just really a TV and Xbox One with all my games and accessories. Sold my TV for 200 dollars... that went to drugs more than likely, obviously It didn't go to moving. 

    When I sold my Xbox with all the accessories and games for 400 dollars... I thought I got rent for somewhere, no I just gotta find a place to live. Great... only but if only. It gets worse. You see, that 400 dollars I got for the Xbox and stuff... It wasn't real money. It was fake money made to look real when not looking at it. Or doing like me... looking at it... while blitzed. It was until after they left and I went to an ATM to deposit the money, did I figure out it was fake. One hundred percent my fault. I fucked up again... 

    But it wasn't over yet... I still have some money and shifts at On The Border that I HAD TO go to and work. I still haven't gathered the strength to understand what I was facing. I didn't process the emergency right in front of my eyes. 

    But it gets worse. This dude I met one of the numerous times I went down to Miami to get high with people and dabble in the PnP scene with, contacts me tells me that he is in trouble. He proceeds to tell me that he is in Orlando and owes money to a drug dealer and his basically being held hostage cuz he took drugs to sell, but didn't sell them, said they got stolen. He was owning 300 dollars. He begged me for a hour in texts, promising me his mother was sending him money that he would have Monday. I don't know why, was it because he was handsome? Was it because I was high? Whatever the reason, I told him to come to my place and I will loan him the money. He just had to get here. 

    This was the first time I got hardcore burned. 

He pulled into my complex... didn't want to come into my apartment. Had me meet him at the clubhouse. Mind you, its like midnight. I still keep going with it. Even with all the obvious signs that I shouldn't. Naïve. Understatement. Trusting. Obviously. Blind. LIKE DAMN. 

    I meet him in the back patio of the clubhouse. I give him the money. I see him leave to " go pay for his freedom". He gets in a truck and it looks familiar... then in the driver seat I see this guy that I have parTied with him and his partner a couple of times... driving away. That was the money I finally realized I got completely played and wont ever hear from him again, them either, or see that money. 

    This was when it started sinking in WHAT I was facing and finally started to process the emergency right all up in my face. 

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