Sebring Boy

 Sebring Boy

    Early into my more regular using of crystal meth, I met this boy that, I honestly, have forgotten his actual name. So I refer to him as "Sebring Boy" because something I do remember is that he moved to Orlando from North Dakota... but was originally from Sebring, Florida.

    At this time of my early addiction, I had met a few people through the using of drugs already. But, Sebring Boy is the one who has stuck the most in my head in memories, as the first guy that meant something to me since breaking up with my now ex-boyfriend 6 months earlier. 

    As it goes for many a gay guys in the modern times, I met Sebring Boy through the app Grindr. This thin twink boy was so special in many ways... but what stood out in my memories, is that he wasn't a regular user of meth to the extent that I was. At this point of my addiction, I was what we refer to as "A Weekend Warrior" in the sense that I only really used during the weekends, aka, my off days from work. Weekends are different days of the week when you are still employed. But that's a different chapter. 

    Sebring boy was a few years younger than me and I really liked him. He was sweet to me, handsome, polite to my roommate, charismatic, charming, and so many other things. But one thing he really wasn't, was a drug addict like I have became. He didn't really use meth... not until he got into this pseudo relationship with me that is.

    He started to use with me.  I wanted to spend as much time as I could with Sebring Boy.  Especially since now I could share my drugs with him. Spend time getting high with someone I am really into. What I didn't know and expect to happen was that getting high with him will be what destroys our relationship forever.

    After a few weeks of being around each other and getting high and getting to know each other, I decided I wanted to take a mini vacation trip with him to Clearwater, Florida. I didn't have the money for this but I did just figure out a way to overdraft on my Venmo account, which was still new on the market, nothing like it is today. So I had some money from work to cover a day in Clearwater and the gas and groceries to cover the trip... along with a fresh reup of drugs to boot.  Sebring Boy agreed to go on the trip with me and so, we got our things and loaded up my car.  This was a pretty spontaneous trip not with much planning or arraignments being made in advance.  That's exactly what I was wanting at the time. Spontaneity. 

    So, I drive us from Orlando to Clearwater Beach.  We get there and get a hotel right by the beach itself. We get high. Higher. Get some food. And I, for some reason, talked him into inviting someone off of Grindr to get high with us and hook up. 

    Now a little backstory.  My ex-boyfriend and I broke up just 6 months before that after I suggested to attempt an open relationship... because I was bored with my life.  I though this was exactly what I needed. I was dead wrong.  We didn't even ever have someone over before we ended up breaking up. Not a single one. I came to the realization that that isn't really what I want because I am already self conscious enough. This realization came later though. 

    Now there I sit.  Sebring Boy is sitting on the couch in the conjoined living room, and I am the sitting on the bed in the bedroom (Yeah, it's that kind of a hotel).  We get a knock on the door and it's the guy that we agreed to have come over and join us.  I don't remember the details from that night but I do remember the next day after the guy had left and it was just Sebring Boy and myself.  I remember this day because it is the last time I had a conversation with him. Well, at least a conversation that was important.  This conversation, shortly put... was that he was no longer interested in me and wanted to go back home to Orlando. 

    I was crushed.  I really fucked it up that bad.  Damn.  I tried to sweet talk him into changing his mind.  I even got another hotel room for us at a different hotel so we could spend another night in Clearwater. This time, overdrawing my Venmo card.  But it wasn't going through. My trick wasn't working. And all of this happening infront of Sebring Boy.  I was so embarrassed.  Eventually It worked... but it was too late. He was dead set on me taking him home.  

    So I did. I spent a hour and a half in the car, driving back to Orlando, in silence.  After dropping him off at home... I cried.  I knew that I was the cause of this. What I didn't know, is that this is just the first time I fuck up myself... and someone else.  I drove another hour and a half, back to Clearwater... because I wasn't going to waste my, well, Venmo's money, I was going to stay another night since I booked it already. The rest of that trip, It's not foggy... it's pitch black... I don't remember anything.