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Apps and Sites, Drugs and Sex

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  I never knew much about meth until I became a regular user of the gay hookup app Grindr. I’ve already gone through the first time I ever tried meth. This part is a bit different from just that interaction. This is where I go more in depth with the effects that gay hookup apps and websites became such an influence and reasoning behind me becoming gradually addicted to not just drugs, but also risky sexual behavior with literal strangers on a regular basis. It’s a well known fact within the gay/trans crystal meth recovery world that meth and sex are usually intertwined with each other so much that it becomes a codependent relationship with the two. Each thrive off of one another. This isn’t always the fact, but it is often the fact. Sometimes within this community we even see people, quite like myself actually, that were able to become sober because their sexual desires changed or dissolved away all together.  But everyone’s story is different. Here’s some background informati...
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The Shoes of an Alien

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  As I have previously mentioned before, something that I did a lot when I was homeless was walk. And well, the more I walked the more my shoes got worn down. With all the walking that I was doing, I went through a number of shoes during my years on the streets. But one of those pairs of shoes, I still have to this very day.  Not long after I left Broward House, the rehab that I was a patient at in Fort Lauderdale Florida from April to September of 2019, I became close friends with those 3 brothers that I lived with in the Extra Space Storage in Wilton Manors. We took good care of each other. We made sure we all were able to eat. We made sure we stayed in communication with each other. We kept each other company. We even helped with each other's addiction by finding ways to make sure we always had a supply of drugs so we could stay high. We went out of our own selfish ways and looked out for each other. Even for as close as we were, we didn’t do everything together. The boys h...
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Tweak Twack Zack Part 2 Introduction

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  Now that you have a basic Understanding of the main events that had occurred my settings during my path of addiction, I would like to break it down even further in order to help others understand what many LGBTQ addicts have gone through during their active addiction, and to give others that have gone through some of the things that I have gone through that just isn’t spoken about out loud due to shame and embarrassment. Let me hold those feelings for you as I share a more of my story with you all.    In this part of the Tweak Twack Zack I am going to talk about many other things that happened during my misadventures including but not limited to: The never fulfilled need for community that I had early on in my story. The real life effects of overdoses and loss. The apps like Grindr and websites like BBRT’s influence that lead me to start and continue using drugs and living a risky sex life. What it was like to host a PnP sex party. The process I went through to bec...
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Mental Health & Recovery

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       My body went through a lot of things during my six years of active addiction to crystal meth. So did my mind. Due to all of the trauma I endured during my use, I developed some major mental heath concerns. Towards the end of my using days, I got diagnosed with PTSD, Anxiety, and Depression.      When I was using crystal, on a regular basis, I went through bouts of psychosis. What happened was when I was high or even coming down, I would get in my head and it would take me to some dark places. I regularly thought people were coming for me. I sometimes thought the little red light in my smoke detector was some sort of spying device. And sometimes, I even thought I heard voices talking through the walls. Needless to say, I cried myself to sleep numerous times, drowning in fear.     What was the worst part was that I knew that it wasn't real. I knew that I was going through psychosis. But that didn't ever change my paranoia from being trig...
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HASA Apartment

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    I got really lucky when I moved to NYC. Here, there is a lot of resources to help the poor and needy. There is a specific program that I qualified for due to my HIV status. HASA assists individuals living with AIDS or HIV. With HASA they helped me also to apply for my emergency housing to get me off the streets. Because of my status, I got placed in a SRO. SRO stands for Single Room Occupancy. So what that means is that I would have my own room with a bed, but with restrooms shared with the rest of the residents. At the same time, I got approved for public assistance. I got food stamps and even cash benefits to help me out.      Here is the thing. the food stamps were great. I haven't been able to have a stable meal schedule for a few years now. This helped me so much to begin to gain back some weight I lost due to my meth addiction and being malnourished from living on the streets. But, the cash assistance is a different story. If I was sober, this wou...
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The Litty Committee

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             In February of 2022, I created a social group called "The Litty Committee". Here is what I first posted as the description and the purpose of this group. Posted 04/22/2022 " Everyone that I've sent a invite to... They bring more to our Zoomerverse than drugs and dicks. They bring kindness, experience, knowledge... Genuineness. Each of you have a reputation. A reputation that has earned the respect of THOUSANDS of people through the years. More so... You've impacted many of those peoples lives... Changed some lives... For the better... I should know... Because my life is one of them. We are a collective of hearts and minds that make a difference to the countless people who come to our rooms that we have passionately created and molded and dedicated more of ourselves to the Zoomerverse that I ... No... That WE have called our HOME... Built by our FAMILY. Thank you from the bottom of my heart... But...Things in the Zoomerverse are ...
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More Zoom and Discord

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       After I got placed into a Single Room Occupancy shelter (SRO), I became, once again, a daily user of the Zoom platform as a place for me to use. Now that I had stable housing, I found myself creating my safe space on Zoom. I nearly stopped meeting up with people in person to get high with and hook up with. Zoom had became my sanctuary.      I started forming what felt like some real relationships with people across the world. All people that I would use with online. My real world really only consisted of my life on Zoom. I barely ever left my SRO. The only time I would ever leave was to go and pick up more meth. With my cash assistance and my pandemic unemployment I got every two weeks, I was able to get a whole ounce, which would last me for those two weeks.     I became a shut-in. A hermit.      I became known in Zoom. People knew me. I had friends. I thought that these friendship were real. Some of them were. Like wit...
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